"Where's me coconuts?"

Part 2: On the Trail of the Yellow Fingernail

The sun was shining into my room the next morning and as I opened my eyes this horrendous vision greeted me. Beady eyes and strange curly things dangling from greying hair, bright red lips and bad breath. It was Mother shaking me rather violently for some reason.

"Get up, get up" I heard her saying. I rose quickly bashing my head into her chin. Get up, get up turned into words best not described in these pages. After she had recovered and given me a wrap around my head, she ask authoritatively for me to go down stairs as someone had come to see me. "Now." She finished and stormed out the room. 

Deciding to dress later I threw on my dressing gown and walked into the kitchen and was greeted by a smug looking Mr Kiln (head parish councillor) drinking a cup of tea. Without talking he threw the mornings edition of the Leyhill Echo at me. I looked down at the headline and then looked across at Mr Kiln.

"Shock, Horror - Coconut Stall Goes Missing

Messieurs Kiln and Pickles are said to be disgusted at the latest crime to hit the streets of Leyhill." More to follow...

I stood contemplating the implications of the headline. He stood up, thanked Mother and just as he was leaving turned to me and said. "Get yourself dressed properly and come to the my office."

"What the shed at the bottom of your garden?" I replied. 

"Just be there", and with that he stormed out of the kitchen. I headed upstairs, slightly confused by what had just happened. 

I got changed and headed out, as I walked down the road towards Mr Kilns shed (office) I dumped into the local tramp Mr Partridge, who was also one of Mr Kilns henchmen. 
"You smell" he stated. Charming I thought.

"So do you" I replied, regretting the comment as he brought a smelly fist up to my throat. 

"Listen, if I say you smell, you smell. Got it?" 

"Ok, look I'm just off to see Mr Kiln as someone has stolen the coconut stalls".

"Yeah I've heard that, strange business if you ask me, something not right about that", he said lessening his grip.

"Why" I asked, thinking he was not telling me everything, what with him being one of Mr Kilns henchmen.

"Not telling you because you smell!" And with that he was away, dragging me for a moment until he realised he still had hold of me. He let go and I fell to the ground. He turned, shook his head and walked towards the pub. 

Strange I thought and with that I continued down the road. My only thought regarding the disappearance of the stalls was that the next village Latimer had stolen it as they didn't have a coconut stall, but why would they? Their Fete was in August, (it was June) so a bit early to go around stealing fete stalls. As I arrived at Mr Kilns shed, PC Bob Pig was standing outside, picking his nose. He opened the door and I was greeted by Mr Kiln sitting behind a makeshift desk of a plank of wood balanced on a lawnmower and a chair. He again threw a newspaper at me with a new headline (they print them quickly I thought). I looked at the latest headline and then looked back at him.

FETE TO BE CANCELLED - now reports suggest all the stalls have been taken. Messieurs Kiln and Pickles said to be utterly disgusted. More to follow....

This was shocking, truly shocking, but what did they want from me?

"Sit down Wilson. What we are about to tell you is confidential between me, you and Mr Pig out there. Pig stop picking your nose." he shouted. And with that he explained everything....

Find out what happens in the next installment ...On a Road to Nowhere